Look, I hate to be the one to tell you this, but the world is absolutely packed with people who think your words exist solely as a placeholder until they can start talking again. Right now, as you read this, millions of conversations are being hijacked by interruption predators who've never let another human finish a goddamn sentence in their lives. You know the type. You're in the middle of explaining why your weekend plans fell apart when Brad from Accounting suddenly jumps in with, "Oh that reminds me of this HILARIOUS thing that happened to ME on Saturday..." Your mouth ... [keep reading...]

There's an anecdote involving Ernest Hemingway and William Faulkner about writing, in which the latter scoffed at Hemingway’s style as unsophisticated. His words were: “(Hemingway) has never been known to use a word that might send the reader to the dictionary.” When the Old Man and the Sea author heard this, he responded, “Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big words? He thinks I don’t know the ten-dollar words. I know them all right. But there are older, simpler, and better words, and those are the ones that I use.” Personally, I’ve always identified with Hemingway’s writing ... [keep reading...]

I got this question today: "Jesus, I need to talk to my teen about keeping her word and her responsibilities. I want to talk to her in a way that brings change instead of her blowing me off as a bossy mom. We have a good relationship, but she gets very defensive when I try to correct her. What should I do?" (You can send me your own questions to jrosas@knesix.com) I get the question of 'persuading teens' every now and then, even if most people still don't like the term 'persuasion'. It's important to remember that there is a critical ... [keep reading...]

You don't need to be born 'magnetic' to mesmerize and attract people; you just have to apply the simple trick I learned from my periodontist, that is easier than you think (and free!) It was fall 1992. I remember that I went to my periodontist for a regular check. I always remember her as rather charismatic lady, cracking jokes and making the procedure of checking my gums from bearable to almost entertaining. At some point I mentioned that I was going to compete at a local Nintendo tournament the upcoming weekend, and if all went well, I would be classified for ... [keep reading...]

People are often vague with their words, and misinterpretation can be costly if you don't pay attention. This cigar anecdote proves that:​ When Calvin Coolidge was president of the United States, one visitor to the White House asked him for a cigar.​ The reason for such an overfamiliar request, given the circumstances, was a friend who collected bands from the favorite cigars of celebrity smokers.​ Coolidge kindly opened his humidor, picked up a cigar, removed the band, and handed it to the man before replacing the bandless cigar in the box.​ Because what mattered was the band, right? In all cases, ... [keep reading...]

  If you haven’t seen ‘Two Moon Junction’ it is something like the first cousin of ‘Nine and 1/2 Weeks’. B-Movies that used to air (or are still aired…?) at midnight. Well, there’s something we can take from the[SPOILER] ending: In the movie, April (Sherilyn Fenn) is about to marry Chad (Martin Hewitt). But while walking through a Carnival, April sets her sights on Perry (Richard Tyson), a guy who looks like Fher on steroids. Anyway, the fact is that April ends up getting tangled up with Perry. That’s it, I just told you 95% of the movie. Until the very ... [keep reading...]

In 1960, Harper Lee debuted as a writer with “To Kill a Mockingbird,” becoming instantly famous. (Just like Guns ‘n Roses did with Appetite for Destruction) A dialogue of this novel is important in persuasion: Atticus Finch (Performed in the novel’s movie adaptation by the impeccable Gregory Peck), is the father of Jem and Scout. They both like the temper of their uncle Jack, who is always joking (and smelling a bit of alcohol). Atticus beckons Jack to tell him something in private. He approaches him and says: — Jack, when a child asks you something, answer him without a [show]… children ... [keep reading...]

  I’d like you to imagine the following scene. At some point in the late fifteenth century, Christopher Columbus went full Shark Tank pitching to the Catholic Monarchs his project of reaching the Indies directly across the Atlantic Ocean. He asked for ships, crew and provisions to do what everyone (supposed) could be done because since ancient Greece it was already known that our planet was round… but no one dared to slash it proven. The fact is that Columbus was quite persistent and spent nine (Yes, 9!) Years requesting financing for the expedition. We can picture him standing in front ... [keep reading...]

You may think that you need to show visible and noticeable emotions to persuade, but it's not always necessary. An example is when Humphrey Bogart took his stylist (and, um, lover!) Verita Thompson to dinner. Verita was a Mexican who made it to Hollywood as a stylist. She had an affair with Bogart while they were both married. The first time he took her to Romanoff's restaurant, he introduced her as "Petée González, Mexican actress". Verita was WTF, but went along with the joke. To continue the ruse, Verita spoke only Spanish with Bogart, and Sofia-Vergara-grade English with everyone else. When ... [keep reading...]

I often see these two words used synonymously. As if being persuasive or manipulative were the same thing. Although both are aimed at getting people to do what you want, this is a fundamental difference: Our ability to make our own decisions. To illustrate it, I'll add a third term: Coercion, which doesn't cause as much confusion. It is when you are forced to act against your will; in other words, it eliminates your ability to make decisions. Generally coercion is notorious; you know that someone is preventing you from acting or deciding for yourself. And in that sense it is ... [keep reading...]