I get these questions a lot.
“I am too expressive… I would like to tone down my gestures”
“How can I control my body language and not get nervous?”
“Sometimes I think people misinterpret my face”
Here’s the thing: you can control your body language, but you don’t really want to control your body language.
Let me explain.
I used to be a ‘controlled body language’ advocate.
Assume postures and gestures to execute at any given time.
It worked… sometimes.
To be honest, it worked only once, when I gave a 38-minute lecture back in 2012 which I rehearsed to every single detail. Every word, every pause, every gesture, every voice inflection.
All was carefully planned, designed and practiced.
The lecture was a success. A standing ovation that I will never forget.
But you can imagine that 60+ hours of preparation made this system impractical.
Besides, as time went by, I noticed that this method only led to cliché gestures, like those that politicians do all the time (and that’s why they look and sound so cringe).
I went for a more spontaneous approach.
Being a long time student of eastern philosophies, I wondered if I could adapt the ‘no-mind’ idea to body language.
Like some sort of ‘no-body-language’.
A state of flow.
That’s why I became acutely aware of my daily body language, and my emotions. At all times, stopping to take notes whenever possible.
That’s how I realized that there is no body language. Only emotions.
But I discovered something else.
Unintentionally, I had stumbled upon a flow state where others would have a really hard time reading me.
I become undecipherable, so to speak.
And this boils down to 3 tactics that you will learn right now.
1) Signal scrambling
One of the pillars of reading body language is any change in rhythm or expression.
For example, if someone is quite expressive with his hands and all of a sudden he crosses his arms. Or the contrary, if he has few facial expressions and you notice his eyebrows jumping when talking about a certain topic.
Changes in nonverbal expression reveal a lot about us.
What can we do, then?
Scramble the signal.
When we get nervous, our body expression changes. That gives everyone a clue that we are reacting to something.
So, the best way to avoid revealing your own nervousness is to make sure you always use your hands and head to speak.
Even if you’re nervous.
That way, no matter what you feel, you will disguise any ‘signal’ your body language transmits with sudden changes.
2) Deflect attention with a ‘further details’ question
Usually, we get nervous around people. We could get nervous because we feel seen, or feel judged, or even threatened.
But what if you could actively redirect people’s attention away from you?
That’s the power of a well-placed question. A question about the person.
My favorite one is: further details about what they are talking about. That accomplishes two things: Not only their attention is directed inward and away from you, but they will be glad to keep talking about themselves.
Remember to pay genuine attention to what they are saying. That’s critical.
3) Evaluate which emotions are the source of your body language.
This is, in my opinion, the hardest and the one that takes the longest time to master… but every minute invested in your own emotions is worth gold.
Because as you learn to ‘read’ yourself, you learn about your own biases and fears. What upsets you, and what makes your body language sort of crazy at times.
As you become more comfortable with your own emotions, you become more confident. And as you become more confident, you won’t have to ‘fake’ anything.
Your body language will follow. And it will be discreet.
Would you like to attain this level of mastery?
That’s one of the pillars of my Body Language Masterclass.
Becoming fully aware of your own nonverbal expression, how to ask interesting questions and how to assess your own emotions. Everything, and more, is included in my program.
The current investment of $197 for my Masterclass is going up on February 23rd at 11:59 EST.
This promotional price includes all my training and secret tips, in every area (body language, persuasion, emotional intelligence to name a few), which I’ve developed so far and that I’ll develop in the future.
So, act now and secure the promotional price before time runs out, using this link:
You can also review all the content of the Masterclass in the official website:
I’ll be waiting for you at the virtual campus.
Much Love and Bliss,
The Body Language Guy.