How I overcame my social anxiety forever
On the app formerly known as Twitter, I got this interesting question:
“Why do some people feel exhausted and depleted after social interactions (and others feel energized by them)?”
And that’s something that happened to me on a daily basis. How did I solve it?
Well, at first I didn’t! I just labelled myself as an “introvert” and called it a day.
But of course, the social anxiety was still there.
Even after years of studying human behavior, I had not realized I was just looking for a way to cope with social interactions, but not truly understand why I dreaded them.
The Trap of Labels
We humans love labels. “Introvert” and “Extrovert” are two very popular ones.
Do you know why we love labels? Because they allow us to “belong” to a tribe or sub-tribe.
In my case, I wore the “introvert” label like a badge of courage—like something quirky or special.
It doesn’t help that there is a whole culture around the “power of being an introvert,” which it took me a while to realize was just absurd.
“Introversion” and “Extroversion” are treated like “cold” and “hot” as if they were two different things.
But nope, they are two terms referring to the same thing: temperature.
In my case, being an introvert was just a fancy word to say I lacked social skills.
The Realization
I began developing my social skills. I became a better communicator, more persuasive, and even controlled my body language like the best politician in the world (Yuck!).
None of that worked.
I realized that my mind was framed the wrong way. My social anxiety came from not having a SYSTEM to interact with people.
So, drawing from my love of video games, I came up with one.
The System
I began to see people as secondary characters (NPCs) in the video game of my own life. These people around me, in any circumstance, held “clues” to help me level up, reach the next castle, or finish the current stage.
I tricked my mind into remembering that rush of dopamine when talking to in-game characters. In a game, they give you tips, you use them, and voilà!—a creaky door opens, allowing you to go further down a moldy dungeon. Sweet!
In this case, it’s real life, but the principle is the same.
Your Own Life Quest
Maybe after reading this, you’ll still consider yourself an introvert. That’s fine! Just realize that social anxiety is not part of your personality—or anyone’s personality, for that matter.
You just need a system.
I found mine, and it worked. Perhaps you can use it; if not, you can use it as a stepping stone to find a system that is uniquely yours.
After all, in your life’s video game, I’m just a secondary character. ;)
The trick to overcoming social anxiety is to think not of the interactions themselves (which can be harsh), but of the gems and secrets that you could unlock.
Every person on this planet has at least one interesting story to tell.
So, go and find it!
Much Love and Bliss,
Jesús