You Have My Permission to AVOID Boring People
I once stumbled upon a post about some neighbors in Puglia, Italy, sharing a meal on one of their tiny streets on a summer evening.
It was one of those streets barely three meters wide, paved with ancient cobblestones. There was a table stretching perhaps 20 meters long, full of people smiling and waving at the camera. Most looked to be in their 40s or 50s, some older.
The lighting was perfect: a couple of warm street bulbs flanking the houses, casting a glow over the improvised, but very fun, banquet.
I love these kinds of settings. The architecture, the lighting, the closeness—and above all, the fact that you can imagine how they all cooperated to share that amazing meal.
But there’s just one thing: I usually don’t have the best experiences in these situations.
Don’t get me wrong, but I have the uncanny ability to—in 98% of cases—get seated next to either boring or insufferable people. At least the boring people aren’t mean, I guess, but you get the idea of my struggle.
All the “cool” people seem to be meters away, having the time of their lives, while I’m stuck discussing the weather or lawn maintenance.
Now, you might be asking:
“But Jesus, don’t you like to study human nature? Don’t you find ALL people interesting? Haven’t you told me that you can learn something from ANYONE you meet?”
And I’d say yes! I have said all three of those things. Especially the last one. You can learn something from anyone you meet.
But “learning something” doesn’t mean everyone is interesting.
Those are two very different things.
The problem is, the more you study human nature, the more you read, and the more you ponder your own self... the more people will start to feel boring and uninteresting to you. (And you will have significantly less tolerance for the insufferable ones!)
But you know what? That’s a good thing. And this comes from a decades-old people pleaser.
Realizing that some people are boring, or superficial, or insufferable is a sign of growth. It means you finally know what your time is worth—and by extension, what you are worth.
Because if today we don’t mind hanging out with boring people, tomorrow we will have to tolerate the insufferable ones daily... “because it’s the civilized thing to do.”
No. You don’t have to.
That is a slippery slope toward toxic empathy. I know this because of my experience as a people pleaser! Today, I want to tell you that wanting to hang out with interesting people (while actively avoiding the rest) is something we should all be free to do.
Doing things in a group is great, but doing things in a group made of people that you find interesting and fascinating—that’s another dimension entirely. It pushes you into a growth state that acts like a gym for your mind and spirit.
“But if I start rejecting and avoiding people, I will end up alone,” some will say.
I hope that isn’t the case for you.
Because those who speak like this usually need to spend time alone to discover their own set of values.
Realize that having just one friend who we resonate with is worth 100 Facebook contacts who we barely send best wishes to on their conveniently reminded birthdays.
Quality of life starts with quality of thinking and quality of emotions.
And as with anything, it also has to do with the people around you.
“You are the sum of the five people you hang out with the most”.
Or something like that.
So, make sure those five people are not boring—and much less insufferable!
Much Love and Bliss,
Jesús