I was browsing X today, looking for people to troll (one of my favorite pastimes, you know), and I stumbled upon a post about some neighbors in Puglia, Italy sharing a meal on one of their tiny streets on a summer evening.
It’s one of those streets that’s barely three meters wide, with cobblestones and had a long, long table of perhaps 20 meters long full of people smiling and waving at the camera. Most of them looked in their 40s or 50s, some of them more. The lighting was perfect: a couple of warm street bulbs on the houses that flanked the improvised, but very fun, banquet.
I love this kind of settings. The architecture, the lighting, the closeness of everyone, the fun they are having and above all, the fact that you can imagine how they all cooperated to share that amazing meal.
There’s just one thing: I usually don’t have the best of experiences in these situations.
Don’t get me wrong, but I somehow have the uncanny ability that in 98% of cases that a meeting like this happens, I get to sit next to either boring or insufferable people.
Well, at least the boring people are not insufferable, I guess. But you get the idea of my struggle. All the cool people seem to be meters away from you, having a great time!
Now, you might be asking, “But Jesus, don’t you like to study human nature? don’t you find ALL people interesting? haven’t you told me that you can learn something from ANYONE you meet?”
And I’d say yes! I have said all three of those things. Especially the last one. “You can learn something from anyone you meet”.
It doesn’t mean that everyone is interesting. That’s a different thing. And the problem is, the more you study human nature, the more you read, the more you ponder about your own self… more and more people will feel boring and uninteresting to you.
(And you will have less and less tolerance for the insufferable ones!)
But you know what? that’s a good thing. And this comes from a decades-old people pleaser.
Realizing that some people are boring, or superficial, or insufferable is a good thing. It means that you know what your time is worth, and in many ways, what YOU are worth.
Because today we don’t mind hanging out with boring people, tomorrow we will have to tolerate the insufferable ones daily, and so forth… ‘because it’s the civilized thing to do’.
No. You don’t have to.
Because that’s a slippery slope of toxic empathy. And how do I know? because of my experience as a people pleaser!
Today I want to tell you that wanting to hang out with interesting people (while actively avoiding the rest) is something that we should all be free to do.
Not going to lie, doing things in a group is great, but doing things in a group made of people that you find interesting and fascinating – that’s just another level. Another dimension. And it pushes you into a growth state that is like a gym for your mind and spirit.
“But If I start rejecting and avoiding people, I will end up alone”, some will say. I hope it’s not your case. Because those who speak like this, need to spend time alone and discover their own set of values. Realize that having just one friend who we resonate with, is worth 100 Facebook contacts who we barely send best wishes in their conveniently reminded birthdays.
Quality of life starts by quality of thinking and quality of emotions. And as anything, it also has to do with the people around you. “You are the sum of the five people you hang out with the most”, or something like that.
So, make sure those 5 people are not boring, much less insufferable!
Much Love and Bliss,
Jesús.
P.S. If you want my raw, uncensored opinion about this and other topics that I cover in these emails, you can become a member at my Locals community here: https://jesusenriquerosas.locals.com/
